Yes, in love, women are looking for security and men are looking for freedom.

This is where most people get stuck.

They believe that what women want and what men want are so contrarian, that, long term, things will never work. And for most relationships or marriages, that is exactly what we see play out.

We see women feeling neglected, not cared for, not getting the security from the man they love.

And on the other end, we see men soft exiting their relationships and marriages, shutting down easily, becoming avoidant, and quite frankly, wanting an escape.

This phenomenon, though common, has been observed so many times that a solution has revealed itself (to me at least lol).

And upon testing it out in my own love life and helping women in their relationships or marriages with the same thing…

The solution is sound, effective, and freeing for both parties.

The purpose of this blog post is to shed light on what the solution is so that you can apply it to your own love life, observe it for yourself, and improve the connection between you and the man you love (or the man you will love).

So, here goes…

What women need to know about security and love

If you ask me, women very much hold the key to this security-freedom based harmony that both women and men are looking for.

This is because whether a man feels free with her is, mostly, up to her. And whether he provides the security that she needs and desires, is largely up to her as well.

Let me explain.

The external securities (the trinkets, resources, the assets, the provision) are given generously by men when a woman is internally secure within herself.

When she simply sees herself highly, worthy, and incredible in her own eyes.

Why is this?

Stay with me as I explain further.

Well, women seek to have a man provide ALL securities, when in reality, she MUST co-create her internal security with God and install it within herself.

A man can provide the house, the trinkets, the protection, the structure, the care, the support, and the love but what he can NEVER give a woman is internal security.

That is, her being sufficiently secure with who she is, how she is, her life, her abilities, inabilities, etc. She has to feel worthy REGARDLESS of anything else. Look at herself highly REGARDLESS of anything else.

And feel genuinely content with herself.

It is NOT a man’s job to give a woman internal security nor could he even if he wanted to.

This is an inside job.

And the moment a woman starts looking for the man to make her feel secure within herself because she feels that she can’t do it herself, things will fall a part.

A woman must have, underneath it all, a foundational sense of security within herself, co-created by herself and God that external circumstances can’t undo.

Let me say this before someone misunderstands what I’m saying here.

This does NOT mean a man can't give you reassurance when you need it, tend to your feelings, be there for you, reinforce the value you already have for yourself, etc.

This also does NOT mean that you can't be vulnerable or have an off-day where you let your emotions or external circumstances get the best of you.

It simply means, that when it gets down to the wire, at your core, you know you’re WORTHY regardless.

Worthy of what?

Worthy of the exceptional, of the beautiful, of more life, of endless bliss because you are living and moving and created by GOD specifically to experience all that He has for you.

That is how I see you anyway but I digress…

Being internally secure, is the actual flex that "independent" women try to sell to women but their rhetoric comes from a distorted viewpoint.

It was never about being able to do and acquire all these worldly things on your own; it was ALWAYS about being secure within yourself.

When you have this internal security, by default, you can give a man beautiful, loving freedom which is what he values. You can give this to him because you’re not depending on him to provide you with something he can’t; internal security.

Insecurity is what repels men because it makes a woman put her claws in a man, try to tie him down, suffocate him, and bind in hopes that he can coddle or eradicate her insecurities for her.

And because this is impossible, she never takes the claws out of him and never stops suffocating him to the point where he wants to pull away and be free from her.

This is why insecurity is repelling.

On the other hand, when a woman is secure within herself, she doesn’t put claws in him, she doesn’t suffocate him, she doesn’t get clingy nor does she try to bind him.

To put this simply, a secure woman operates differently.

She takes him for who he is and allows herself to be who she is. She expresses her delight with him and allows him to step up for her and love her.

She then accepts and welcomes in more of his love, care, and provision if it’s the type of love and treatment she desires and feels worthy of.

Does this make sense?

The man is not being energetically tied down nor suffocated yet he still has her presence, her expression, her acceptance of him, her reception, and her love.

This is the freedom he is looking for and he then feels inspired to provide all the other worldly securities she needs or desires.

Internal security breeds freedom in the union and/or marriage

Your level of internal security controls the amount of freedom you can create in the container of your union with a man.

If you’re internally insecure, you’ll create an energetic prison where he will feel suffocated by you, tied down, and will try to escape.

When you’re internally secure, by default, he has more freedom.

And when you’re even more conscious of this, you can deepen into yourself and create even more beautiful, loving space and freedom within your union.

These two things (both within the woman’s jurisdiction, by the way)—being internally secure and providing him with loving freedom—form the formula for exceptional love and depth in the union, creating endless win-wins for both you and him.

Men being non-committal

The last thing I want to address in this article is the topic of men not wanting to be “tied down” and so they decide to hop from one woman to the next.

Here are my thoughts and observations about this:

Men's physical pursuit of "not being tied down" through non-commitment tends to backfire, as they often find themselves involuntarily tied down, frequently in legal contexts, and depleted of their resources and life-force by various entities.

The irony lies in the fact that, by operating with the energy of "not wanting to be tied down," they ultimately end up being forced into such situations that restrict their freedom.

From my observations, the real pursuit that men are after is more so an energetic freedom. Men are not anti-committal… but they will often try to avoid a woman who suffocates them and puts her claws in him making him feel energetically bound.

A man can feel free in the container of a relationship or marriage when a woman is secure within herself and inwardly focused (not directing her energy outward to the man).

This is because she is able to create space within the container for that freedom he loves and values so much.

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