People often hold extreme beliefs when it comes to romantic love.

Some become cynical, convinced that true love doesn't exist. I've heard women claim that men should only be valued for their resources, suggesting that men are incapable of genuine love.

Similarly, I’ve heard men say that women offer no true depth and she’s only good for her looks.

These perspectives strike me as juvenile, limited, and resistant to exploration. Some find it easier to remain jaded and give up rather than delving deeper. It's a refusal to expand their understanding and embrace the possibilities that lie beyond their current beliefs.

On the other hand, some people take the naive approach. They expect romantic love to be this magical thing that somehow makes all of our personal struggles, insecurities, and longings disappear into thin air without us ever needing to dive deep and really confront ourselves.

Zeroing in on women, using a man just for resources and transactional purposes comes from a limited, dis empowered place where you idolize money over your own holistic well being. In my strong opinion, this deeply disrespects you and the man you’re doing this to.

And using a man to escape confronting yourself and pawning off the work that it takes to love, respect, and value yourself onto a man is also deeply disrespectful to yourself and the man as well.

Both of these positions, the cynical and the naive, are the antithesis of expansive love.

When both of these positions are played out fully, the end result is nothing but dissatisfaction, heartbreak, and more cynicism,

And because the world only pushes the perspectives that support the cynical or the naive, people are, at the end of the day, left with the impression that true romantic love doesn’t exist.

They speak from a stance of “just keeping it real” and spew more limitation onto romantic love and quite frankly, it makes me sick.

The reason why I started speaking on love in the first place is because I wanted to change the conversation entirely. I knew that there was another level that was not being represented and I wanted to help in bringing this level forward.

In this post, I attempt to explain the difference between the limited, need based love that the world pushes on us and the expansive, desired based love that so many are longing for but don’t know how to access yet.

#1 Limited love is need based while expansive love is desire based

Limited love tries to pawn it’s problems off to another person; thinking that the person only loves you if they are able to solve your problems for you and confront what you haven’t.

Whether these problems are financial, emotional, or mental it doesn’t matter. The underlying basis for limited love is need. As in, you seeking “love” because you need this person to solve your issues so that you can escape from something you couldn’t confront yourself.

An example of this is women who hate their job wanting to get into a relationship with a man so that she doesn’t have to work.

Or a woman needing a man’s love to prove that she is desired or lovable.

Or a woman needing to be married so that she can prove to her family that there’s nothing wrong with her.

Or a woman needing a man to be with her so that she can finally deal with the overwhelming loneliness she has been feeling for years.

The list goes on.

As you can see, if you really get down to the motivation behind why these women are trying to enter union, they are all coming from limits and trying to escape what they need to confront themselves.

Unless they confront themselves, the unions that they form from this needy, limited state will fall.

And they will be disappointed in the end.

Expansive love wants to experience MORE life, MORE deep connection, and MORE beauty.

It is desired based and comes from freedom and leads to freedom.

I’ve given this example before but I will give it again because it’s so spot on,

An example of this is a woman remembering an old boyfriend and how she loved how he spoke to her, how he held her, the deep connection they had and how much she grew while in love with him.

She desires to experience that again now, but this time, even better and more intense because it was so life-giving and beautiful.

She wants to be connected with someone like that again: immersed in love like that again.

Can you tell how her desire is coming from freedom and leading to it?

Her desire is expansive and limitless. It comes from remembering the freedom she felt in her past and the freedom she’s thrilled to experience in the future.

Her motivation is for MORE life, MORE connection, MORE beauty which is what expansive love IS.

#2 Limited love keeps you attached while expansive love operates in non-attachment

Limited love is attached. It clings on to one person and insists that it has to be them or you want no one else. It violates what you desire and holds on to people who are the opposite of what is good for you and what you want. It tries to convince you that you need them.

An example of this is a woman trying to hold on to a man that never wants to commit to her, that doesn’t care to open up to her, nor that truly cares about her in general.

Limited love, because it’s trying to get a need met through that person, will convince you that you need this person to be okay in life and to function properly.

Limited love also gets attached to a person who it perceives as being able to meet a need for you even if you just met them.

An example of this is going on a date with a man, having a really great time, and then breaking down when he doesn’t call the next day.

Limited love is extremely volatile and will have you feeling on top one day and ready to end it all the next.

Expansive love is non-attached. Because expansive love is desire based and is seeking more life, more connection, more beauty, it can easily let go of anything that isn’t aligned with that.

Expansive love allows a woman to go on a date with a man, revel in an extraordinary experience, openly express her desires, and yet acknowledge that he may not be the ideal match she seeks. Nonetheless, she wholeheartedly embraces the date, cherishing every moment of laughter, dancing, and profound conversation, fully immersing herself in the beauty of the present night.

And in the case where she hits it off with a man and he doesn’t call back, she knows that there’s much more than that for her to experience.

Expansive love also, because it’s not operating from need, allows you to always feel like you will be deeply loved no matter what.

Expansive love is non-attached because it understands that true love transcends a man, it transcends you, it is directly from God so it can NEVER be taken away from you. It is intrinsic.

A woman operating on this level, understands that as long as she accepts this and allows this into her life, she will have thousands of people in her lifetime lined up and ready to love her.

She knows that love in this life can NEVER end for her.

This is not to say that she, for instance, treats her husband like he is expendable.

On the contrary, she can love him well with all of her heart and feel honored to live life with him and to be able to be loved by him in the unique way that he loves her.

And yet at the same time, understand that love includes and flows through their union, story, and romance but also transcends them and thus is never lost.

Ultimately, a woman operating from expansive love is never worried about losing love and that’s exactly why she can love deeply, choose wisely, and get and maintain the exact man and romance she desires.

#3 Limited love is rigid and restrictive while expansive love has desire based guidelines

Limited love is rigid and restrictive. It has all these rules that you need to follow to make sure you can attract and keep the right man. It tells you to dress like this, talk like that, walk like this, think like that, and to form specific standards.

It freaks out when things deviate from what is expected.

It comes with a 90 day plan and a transactional way of being that feels way too inauthentic for women who are looking for genuine union.

Limited love is rigid and restrictive because it operates from fear. Fear that somehow you can mess everything up and miss out on the love you’re supposed to have. Fear that it can be taken away from you. Fear that there isn’t enough love to go around, that you’re running out of time, that this man has to be the one you marry, and so on and so forth.

It also puts immense pressure on the man.

Somehow, he has to follow the script you wrote in your head or else he is “low value”.

All of this turns love into a mine field. Make the wrong move, and it’s over.

Expansive love has desired based guidelines.

This means that a woman operating on this level, is driven by what she wants in love and thus makes her choices based off of that. She allows in all the experiences that align with her desire and simply declines the ones that do not, while putting her attention deeper into what she wants.

She can operate in a free flowing manner, never worrying about is she saying or doing the wrong things because she knows that on this level, she can’t truly say or do the wrong things. If she’s being herself and operating from desire, it’s the right thing.

She gets to be herself and engage in what she desires the entire time.

She also gets to enjoy the man in front of her, whether their paths diverge and they never meet again, or whether destiny unfolds to bless them with a lifelong marriage lasting for 60 years.

Can you see just how different need based, limited love is from desire based, expansive love?

The world wants to shove the former down your throat while trying to insinuate that true romantic love doesn’t really exist.

Unsubscribe from that message.

It is a lie.

The truth is that there is always another level for you.

My aim was to show you a glimpse of that through this post.

I hope I served you well.

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