Disclaimer: The advice offered in this post assumes that you already feel destined for the love you desire most, and that you seek this love for the 'right' reasons—meaning, you're not attempting to escape yourself through a man or relying on him to resolve your deep-seated feelings of unworthiness. In such cases, the advice provided here may not be applicable until you address these issues first. I have blog posts that bring further awareness to the topic of ‘deep seated unworthiness’ and how it keeps you at a distance from the love you most want. You can read these posts here: https://dreamsilasomans.com/dlgwablog/c/unworthiness However, I do not assist women in developing faith that they CAN be loved in the manner they desire; they must already possess this faith within themselves. Additionally, I do not aid women in resolving deep-seated feelings of unworthiness, as these matters are beyond my scope.

If you notice that you often feel dismissed by the man you’re with, one huge reason why this is is because the connection you have with him has been built from a flawed premise: one where your needs, desires, and grievances are not prioritized or taken seriously by him.

This is likely because of how much you tend to him. Meaning, you are taking up the role of prioritizing his needs, desires, and feelings instead of him doing this for you.

Now you may wonder why can’t you both just tend to each other equally.

Well, have you ever considered that the man you’re with doesn’t want that?

Generally speaking, men seldom feel the way women do when they are tended to. They quickly take it for granted and can’t really appreciate it long term.

We’d be here all day discussing why that exactly is, but to keep it brief, let’s just say that they are simply wired in that way.

Women are wired to love being tended to. We can appreciate it much more. We also reach a point where, let’s be honest, giving to men feels depleting and not worth it.

Men tend to thrive when they are properly being accepted and received by you and doing the ‘tending’. (Understand that men are not always aware of this on a conscious level; they may even try to reject it consciously, and yet they often respond in the way I’ve just mentioned when they are doing the tending and being properly accepted and received.)

We should take heed of these things and help structure our connections with men accordingly.

With this said, if you are currently in a relationship with a man and you feel dismissed and like your needs, desires, feelings, and grievances aren’t prioritized, your connection with him is currently inverted.

The solution to this is to swing the pendulum the other way.

You swing the pendulum the other way by not tending to him in the way you’ve been doing and really only consider doing things he directly asks if you can help him with.

And then, simply take him in and express to him how he feels to you.

This means to properly express and communicate to him your needs, desires, feelings, and grievances that come up within you in response to being with him AND then allow him to respond to you how he wants to.

Proper expression means a woman being able to fully express exactly how she feels, what she wants, what she needs, her grievances, and what she is and isn’t available for on any given subject to a man without nagging, demanding, demeaning, complaining, pressuring, or trying to control or manipulate him.

So, how do we get you to the point where you can freely express your feelings, needs, desires, and grievances to a man without falling into the realm of nagging, demanding, demeaning him, etc?

You start making “love sandwiches”!

In my world, a “love sandwich” is essentially a way in which you structure your sentences to a man to make sure you are expressing your needs, desires, and grievances while respecting the man and where he is, and allowing him freedom; not giving him ultimatums, not nagging him, not shaming him, nor attempting to “control” him.

It is quite literally the fastest and most effective method of communicating difficult topics to a man while respecting both your autonomy and his autonomy that I have found. My clients and I have tested this over and over and have always found that “love sandwiches” breed positive results where both parties feel heard, understood, and satisfied.

To create a love sandwich you start by stating what you love about your time with him, something he’s done for you recently, something he is good at, etc. What you’re expressing with your opening statement should relate to what you’d like to speak further about and it should also be truthful.

Don't lie. Be genuine with anything that you are conveying to him.

Begin the conversation with “I love…”

Next, you transition into expressing your grievance (or what you’re not available for) by saying something to the extent of “Yet I feel…”.

It is important to have already connected to your emotions and felt everything through so that you are able to convey things in a mature manner that truly honors what you desire, what you need, and how you feel.

Lastly, you should end with a statement about what you love again, simply reiterating what your opening statement was about. This is important because it focuses on the good in the connection, keeps things lighthearted, and keeps you connected to your heart (which is something that he can feel and considers genuine).

So, in short, a love sandwich looks like “I love … yet I feel… because I love…”.

Let me give you an example of how to use this in a practical sense when you feel dismissed by him over something.

“[His name], I love spending time with you and being cherished by you, yet I feel dismissed and neglected over (insert further context). It makes me sad because, as I mentioned, I love spending time with you and feeling cared for by you.”

This is just one example. Remember, you want to properly express yourself to him regarding other needs, desires, feelings, and grievances too. Don’t just do it when you feel dismissed. Get used to properly expressing yourself to him as a practice.

Lastly, I want to be upfront and say that shifting the dynamic in your relationship won’t always go smoothly. This is because you both are used to things going one way and now things are going

When you begin to shift the dynamic, three things are likely to happen.

A: After properly expressing yourself, he responds negatively. The more you express yourself, the more he continues to respond negatively. This is an indication that he may be unsuitable and misaligned with you. (Expression has a way of filtering out non-aligned men. If, after expressing your needs, desires, and grievances PROPERLY, he begins to respond negatively and pull away, he was never the right fit for you. Let me be clear, this doesn’t necessarily mean he’s a “bad guy”; he’s just not a good match for you.)

B: After expressing yourself properly, he responds well and wants to tend to you. The more you express yourself to him properly, the more your needs, desires, and grievances are prioritized; he happily tends to you, and you happily take him in and accept him. This indicates that you are suitable for one another.

C: After expressing yourself properly, he’s put off a bit by the unfamiliarity and seems to pull away for a short while, then circles back around and wants to tend to you. It takes some time and some diligence, but the more you express yourself to him properly, the more your needs, desires, and grievances are prioritized; he happily begins to tend to you, and you happily take him in and accept him.

This, too, indicates that you are suitable for one another, yet the connection was so inverted that it took time to swing things around.

All of these scenarios are likely and depending on the specific details of your relationship, one may be more likely than the other. (Of course, working with me in my mentorship, I’d be able to get a better feel of your relationship and give you more accurate guidance. 😉)

In short, stop tending to him and start taking him in and properly expressing yourself to him. Things’ll work out for the better when the pendulum is swung the other way.

In my 8 week email mentorship, “IRL: Better Than Fantasy”, proper expression and "Love Sandwiches" are one of the main skills that I teach to help feminine women (not yet married) who know they’re destined for great love work on in order to go from hoping for her turn to get lucky in love to being claimed, committed to, and and loved well now and in the future by the man she (will) loves.

We also work on:

1. Being self aware and knowing where you really are in relation to the love life you want so that you avoid feeling powerless and lost in love.

2. Knowing where and what your ongoing responsibilities are AT EVERY GIVEN MOMENT so that you empower yourself, avoid getting into positions where you feel powerless against a man, and are always expanding in your union with the man you'll love.

3. Learning to feel your emotions through and then use them as data to make decisions that lead to you being and feeling safe, secure, and loved now and in the long term.

4. How to choose men that make sense for who you are, what you want, and your overall well being now and in the future.

5. And if needed/desired, we cover actually meeting men who are aligned with you via online dating/offline mingling and dating.

This mentorship is $999.

DM me the word "IRL" here http://m.me/dreemsilas (Facebook Messenger) or (*here if you prefer chatting on Instagram*) if interested and we'll have a quick chat to see if it's a good fit. The qualification process is short, sweet, and simple.

I'll ask you just a few yes or no qualification questions and if it's a good fit, can get you enrolled whenever you're ready.

I look forward to chatting with you.