I want to premise this by saying that this advice is specifically for women who are in a committed, boyfriend-girlfriend type of relationship, courtship.

I say this because, though parts of this advice is universal, many of the things I’ll be mentioning in this post are not suitable for marriage or even engagement.

A different approach would be required.

With that said, let’s get into it.

So, there are several angles to approach this.

Point 1: The more you look and lean into the perceived one-sidedness of your dynamic, the worse things will get.

Meaning, as a rule in general, what you focus on grows. So if you are focused on the thought of the “one-sidedness”, you feel more and more “undesirable” and this is what causes you to downward spiral.

It also causes an inverse dynamic between you two.

In general, men want to feel like “they won” with who they’re with.

So if you feel undesirable and continue to speak/act from that place, he doesn’t get the “I won” effect. He’ll get the opposite effect.

Which, is somewhat repelling and perpetuates the issue even further.

In other words, if you’re second guessing or questioning your own desirability and worthiness, this communicates to him that perhaps you aren’t “the catch” he wanted after all.

This may sound harsh but you must understand that people eventually view us how we view ourselves deep down. You can never escape that truth.

Which brings me to my next point:

Point 2: Your desirability transcends him. You have to KNOW that you’re desirable regardless.

It’s paradoxical and a self fulfilling prophecy as well.

If you KNOW you are desirable outside of his (or anyone else’s) validation or lack there of, you get treated as such.

You have to source your desirability from an internal place, not an external place.

Pour into yourself more until you feel desirable REGARDLESS.

Which brings me to my next point.

Point 3: The woman who feels desirable vs the one who feels “undesirable” handles this situation differently.

For example:

Here’s what the woman who ALREADY feels desirable REGARDLESS would do in your shoes if she felt the relationship with her boyfriend was “one-sided”:

1. She wouldn’t let less-than-ideal dynamics define her negatively.

She wouldn’t take the onesided-ness personal as in there was something wrong with her. The current state of their relationship wouldn’t cause her self esteem to be eroded because she doesn’t take it personal and also she already has a solid sense self assured-ness.

She’d instead simply identify how she feels about the onesided-ness and what she wants instead.

2. She’d identify her feelings and desires clearly.

Let’s say that she feels like she doesn’t like the lack of connection because it makes her feel neglected.

She knows she wants to feel cherished and well cared for instead.

And she very much finds it UNATTRACTIVE when a man is not cherishing her and caring for her.

Identifying her feelings and see what they reveal about what she desires is helpful in knowing how to navigate the situation better.

3. Because she finds it unattractive (and she knows she’s desirable regardless), she expresses herself to the man properly:

She expresses how she feels in a way that let’s him into how she’s feeling and what her desires are.

She’ll say something like, “I love spending time with you and I love feeling cherished by you. That feels good to me.Yet lately, I feel a bit neglected which is really off putting for me because, again, I love feeling cherished by you.”

4. She stays open to his response and gifts him SPACE to step up for her:

After she expresses herself to him, she hears him out. If he says he’ll “do better”, she gifts him the space to do what he says he will do.

Again, she isn’t ATTRACTED to neglect. So if she’s feeling neglected by him, she doesn’t entertain that by giving that dynamic more energy. She doesn’t claw at the situation. She doesn’t let it affect her self esteem.

She doesn’t respond to neglect.

She simply expresses herself and gifts the man space to gift his presence, care, love to her.

5. If he doesn’t want to gift her his presence, care, or love, she gravitates elsewhere and exits exclusivity with him.

After she’s expressed herself, it’s been some time, and she still feels neglected, she expresses to him that she “desires to be cherished by the man she loves and is exclusive with and doesn’t feel that here”.

She proceeds to exit exclusivity with this man.

Do you see how this situation is operated differently based on how you feel about yourself?

Main takeaways:

• Your desirability transcends the man. Get to know this.

• Let neglect be unattractive. Currently you’re giving your energy and attention to neglect… Give your energy and attention ONLY to being cherished.

• Express yourself and then gift him the SPACE to step up for you.

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