All the women I work with have already done inner healing work with regard to their past relationships and painful experiences associated with them.

The women who come to me are healed yet they often continue to experience more of what they needed healing from in the first place. They tend to meet the same type of men that they DO NOT WANT who try to give them all the things they’d like to avoid at all costs.

Lots of women are confused by this and wonder when the effects of the healing actually begin to kick in enough where they have different, more ideal experiences with men.

They become even more surprised when I tell them that it’s their identity that is preventing them from meeting the man that has the capacity to provide them with the love, support, and commitment that they’re looking for.

The truth is that if a woman keeps thinking of herself as a woman that was hurt by a man/men in xyz ways, she will always act from this story, she will always choose men from this story, she will always see or not see her love opportunities from this story, she will always speak to herself from this story, and so she will always get results from this story.

Yes, even if she is the most healed woman in the world.

If her identity (how she sees herself and the stories she tells herself about herself, men, and her love life) are not shifted to match that of a woman that has the love and commitment she desires and deserves, she’ll keep meeting and having experiences with the kind of men she doesn’t want.

Think about this for a second…

Who is more likely to experience the love life they want?

Woman A who thinks of herself as a woman who was treated poorly by a man she loved but worked so hard to heal from it.

Or

Woman B who thinks of herself as deeply loved and cherished, always.

These two women can be the same woman but just think of themselves differently.

Naturally, a woman who thinks of herself as always deeply loved and cherished will have starkly different experiences from the woman who thinks of herself as a woman who was treated poorly and worked so hard to heal.

This is because she behaves differently, makes different choices, and attracts different men simply based on her having an identity that supports what she wants to experience.

Your identity affects your entire state of being and your state of being is what either attracts the right man to you or the wrong man to you (this is why I work with women to shift their identity first and then we work on state of being).

You need an empowered feminine identity to match your healed, renewed state; a new story to live from.

At this point you may be thinking something along the lines of “Well, Dream, how am I supposed to have a new identity if the truth is that I literally experienced hurtful things and have healed from them? Am I supposed to pretend that never happened?”

My response to that is that you do not have to pretend things didn’t happen but what you can do is overwhelm those past, negative experiences with new, positive and desired experiences.

You do this by quite literally and intentionally feeding yourself evidence that your new identity is true and you dwell on that evidence.

I’ve explained this process in other posts but I’ll teach you to do it here as well.

You start by forming a new identity that really resonates with you:

Example: I am a woman who is always deeply loved and cherished.

And everyday, you write down the evidence that affirms this new identity.

Evidence would be anything that makes you feel deeply loved and cherished, no matter how simple it may be.

I should also note that your evidence does not need to be in the present. You can also write down things that made you feel loved and cherished in the past. The whole idea is to feed your mind with evidence that you are indeed loved and cherished.

Your evidence could look something like:

• Today I received a very thoughtful gift from secret Santa at work and this made me feel listened to and cherished by my co-workers

• Today I left my folder at the coffee shop and a man ran two blocks in the cold to give it to me! This was very kind of him.

• I remember when I received a very sweet love letter a decade ago. I still remember what it said word for word; it meant a lot to me.

You’d do this every day until you have so much evidence to back up your new identity that you start believing it by default. Due to the compounding evidence, my clients are able to successfully change their identity within a month.

This method is effective because it doesn’t fight the brain, instead it surrenders to it.

It means nothing to try and shift your identity without actually feeding your brain with new evidence that supports your new identity. You will be constantly questioned by your brain, telling you to “prove it ”.

It can be overwhelming to simply try and override your brain by just “getting out of your head”. My clients also usually have a similar issue with fighting against their thoughts and what they’re brain is saying versus what they’d like to believe.

I’ve noticed that in the “feminine love” space getting out of the head and into the body is preached often when attempting to combat having negative thoughts pertaining to a woman’s love life or self image.

While there is a major benefit in getting out of your head and into the body more (which I also teach clients how to do). I realize that it is more effective to quiet the brain first as it makes it so much easier to be in the body when you’re not actively fighting your brain.

Writing down evidence that supports your new identity helps you control your focus and actually appeases the brain. The more you put your focus on supporting evidence and actually indulge in the lovely experiences you are having, by default, you get out of the head and into the body.

Effectively shifting your identity keeps you from an endless loop of needing to heal and gives you the results that you are looking for.

It aligns you with the man who has the capacity to rise for you and provide you with the love, commitment, and quality you desire and deserve.

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