Disclaimer: The advice offered in this post assumes that you already feel destined for the love you desire most, and that you seek this love for the 'right' reasons—meaning, you're not attempting to escape yourself through a man or relying on him to resolve your deep-seated feelings of unworthiness. In such cases, the advice provided here may not be applicable until you address these issues first. I have blog posts that bring further awareness to the topic of ‘deep seated unworthiness’ and how it keeps you at a distance from the love you most want. You can read these posts here: https://dreamsilasomans.com/dlgwablog/c/unworthiness However, I do not assist women in developing faith that they CAN be loved in the manner they desire; they must already possess this faith within themselves. Additionally, I do not aid women in resolving deep-seated feelings of unworthiness, as these matters are beyond my scope.

I think one of the biggest distortions I hear when it comes to "love" is that we can't help who we fall in love with or that the "heart wants what it wants".

Those statements just perpetuate the idea that we are under the influence of and being controlled by unknown forces and a heart that cares nothing about our best interests.

This all makes love seem like this mysterious, random, uncertain thing that just happens for us when it happens and falls a part when it does and there's nothing we can do about it.

This could not be more false.

I urge you to unsubscribe from this narrative as soon as possible.

Thinking that you have no say in who you fall in love with is yet another way you remain powerless in love.

The truth is that you can choose to let yourself fall in love with a man or not.

Yes, falling in love with a specific man or not can be a conscious choice for you.

Before I go any further with this, to be clear, I understand that there can be various unconscious motivators or unprocessed issues occurring behind the scenes that lead a woman to be attracted to, attached to, and falling in love with the "wrong type" of men.

This is, of course, a case-by-case scenario and quite broad, as different women may have different things that need to be processed for them to make healthy choices.

However, since I work [in my mentorship] with women who have already undertaken the inner work to feel worthy of the love they desire and have reached a point where they recognize their own sufficiency, avoiding unconscious self-sabotage or undermining their own efforts to receive and maintain love that respects their worth and provides the safety, support, and quality love they seek, the solution I am describing here is tailored for them.

With that said, what really makes it feel like you have “no control” over who you fall for is you following your emotions blindly.

You are letting your emotions run the show.

You’re allowing the positive feelings you experience with this man to control how you react to him, with your reactions being that which often makes you over-invest in him and prematurely intensifies your attachment to him.

You’ll do things like devoting yourself to him when there is no commitment in sight when you really should be keeping yourself open or sleeping with him even though that should be reserved for a man who commits to you at a deeper level.

All of these actions are committed because you’re following your positive emotions and letting them call the shots.

In doing so, you’re overlooking crucial information about whether being with him contributes to your sense of safety, security, support, and long-term love, giving you the illusion that you are uncontrollably "falling in love" with him.

In reality, you have the ability to assess what’s going on and determine if it’s contributing to what you most desire and need, and to say “yes” at each point before you go further with him.

This is not about trying to control or suppress your emotions.

You have to validate and feel through your emotions to make the best decisions for yourself.

This is about not letting your emotions be the reason why you fall for and get prematurely attached to a man that, in reality, doesn’t match your sense of self worth or contribute to you receiving the safety, support, and love that you desire.

This is about letting the whole woman that you are make the choice to fall for a man, while taking your emotions into consideration, instead of it being just your emotions or your heart making the decision.

There is a way that you can thoroughly enjoy the man in front of you, express that you enjoy him, feel all your emotions, and still make the choice to fall for the right man that respects your worth and the safety, support, and quality love that you want.

How can you do this?

By taking your emotions in as data that informs you about whether you're on the right track to being and feeling safe, secure, and loved with this man now and in the long term.

And if you’re not on track, you can use your emotions to guide you on how to navigate the connection to ensure you make the best decisions to achieve falling for a man that respects your worth and the safety, support, and quality love that you want.

I call this process of using your emotions as data to make decisions "EMODATA" because you get to feel through and consider your emotions, then make good decisions in your love life because of them, not in spite of them.

How does it work in this context?

Let me explain in the context of an example:

Let’s say you have been casually seeing a guy for 3 weeks, you’ve went on 2 dates with him, you’re talking via phone calls every other night, and he seems great. You enjoy him and enjoy the connection you two share.

Everything is great right now and you’re feeling happy, excited, and also a bit anxious.

Using “EMODATA” the first step is to feel everything through enough to name the emotion and exactly why you are feeling this way.

So, based on our example, you feel that everything is going well right now.

And when you feel everything through, you realize that you feel happy, excited, and also a bit anxious.

So, naming the emotion(s) after completely feeling it through: happy, excited and anxious.

And now you determine exactly why you feel the way you do.

You are feeling happy because you enjoy that he takes the initiative to ask and take you out on dates and you genuinely enjoy his company.

You’re feeling excited because you get to have new experiences with someone you enjoy and it could lead to something beautiful.

And lastly, you’re feeling anxious because, of course, it may or may not work out with him and currently you enjoy him so you’re hoping it will.

Secondly, you want to look at your emotions indicating if you are on the right track or not and if not, identifying what would put you on the right track. By “right track” in this case, I mean, on track with falling for a man who respects your worth and the safety, support, and quality love that you want now and later on.

And if you’re not on track, you can use your emotions to guide you on how to navigate the connection to ensure you make the best decisions to achieve falling for a man that respects your worth and the safety, support, and quality love that you want.

Considering your emotions (happy, excited) and the reasons behind them, you acknowledge that you are somewhat on track given the three weeks of dating. However, it's important to note that your feeling of anxiousness also requires attention.

Remember, we validate all our feelings here, not cherry-pick the positive ones.

So, because you feel anxious based on the uncertainty of where things are headed, you recognize that being uncertain of where things are headed isn’t on track with falling for a man who respects your worth and the safety, support, and quality love that you want now and later on.

You know that a man proposing exclusive commitment is what cures that uncertainty for you at this level.

So you can conclude that falling for him BEFORE he proposes commitment is a bad idea.

***This assumes that you have already made it clear to him that marriage is your reason for dating and what you value. And that you’ve been expressive with him about how you enjoy him, love hearing from him, spending time with him and the like. [You learn how to effectively communicate all of this in week 7 of my 12 week mentorship program IRL (Inevitable Romance & Love): Better Than Fantasy.

You also can conclude that reserving things (like meeting his family, sleeping with him, staying over night at his house, etc) for deeper levels of commitment so that you don’t get prematurely attached AND expressing these reservations to him if they come up is your best course of action as you’re dating him to put you on the right track.

Reserving things that would prematurely attach yourself to him and have you falling for him until further commitment is established and then expressing to him what your reservations are and why they’re there if and when they come up is a very different decision than blindly following your emotions.

The former respects your worth and the safety, support, and quality love that you want while the latter doesn’t at all.

In fact, regarding your emotions in this case, reacting based on you being happy and excited would just have you over-investing in him and doing things that make you prematurely attached to him.

This doesn’t support what you want, it sabotages it.

Even blindly reacting from you feeling anxious would most likely manifest into you trying to control him, low-key stalking him, etc…

Again, this doesn’t support what you want, it sabotages it.

Do you see how this process, EMODATA, makes it possible for you to choose to allow yourself to fall in love with a man or not?

It’s pretty awesome.

Before I close this out, I want to circle back to a point I mentioned earlier where I stated that there is a way that you can thoroughly enjoy the man in front of you, express that you enjoy him, feel all your emotions, and still make the choice to fall for the right man that respects your worth and the safety, support, and quality love that you want.

I want to be clear about how this all works together.

On your first phone call or date, you should make it clear to him that marriage is your reason for dating and what you value.

As you’re dating this man, you should absolutely be enjoying your time with him and being present with him in the moment; just enjoying the man in front of you.

During this time you should also be expressive about how you’re receiving him.

In the example we gave above, you enjoy him, like his company, and like his conversation.

Express this all to him.

Be up front with him.

I don’t believe in withholding your expression from him or trying to play a game and pretend that you’re not interested or anything like that.

Also during this time, if he’s asking for things that will make you prematurely attached to him, you simply express that certain things only feel safe to you when you’re in a deeper commitment with a man.

You can express all of this to him easily using what I call a “Love Sandwich”. I won’t go into that in this post as it would be too long and off the main topic of what I’m trying to convey here. [I should also mention that you learn how to effectively communicate all of this in week 7 of my 12 week mentorship program IRL (Inevitable Romance & Love): Better Than Fantasy.

Anyway, when you conduct yourself in this way and express yourself in this way, you give him the space to CHOOSE whether he wants to step up or not.

You’re not trying to control him, pressure him, give him an ultimatum, or force his hand.

You’re simply just expressing to him what respects your worth and the safety, support, and quality love that you want.

THIS is how it all works together…

Now, based on all that I've said here and the example I gave on how to use EMODATA in this context, you may be wondering the following:

“Well, what if I get prematurely attached to him anyway by just spending so much time with him even if I do reserve things for deeper commitment? Would this process still work?”

My response to this is: Well, how long would it take for you to no longer be attracted to a man who is evading commitment and not stepping forward?

Also, if your goal is to fall in love with a man who respects your worth and the safety, support, and quality love that you want, using this EMODATA process, you would clearly see that the connection you have with him is no longer contributing to this.

One way or another, after assessing things this way you’d clearly see the error.

This process allows you to thoroughly enjoy the man in front of you, express that you enjoy him, feel and validate all of your emotions, and STILL choose to allow yourself to fall for the right man that respects your worth and the safety, support, and quality love that you want.

Ah, yes!

In my 8 week mentorship, “IRL: Better Than Fantasy”, EMODATA is one of the main skills that I teach to help feminine women (not yet married) who know they’re destined for great love work on in order to go from hoping for her turn to get lucky in love to being claimed, committed to, and and loved well now and in the future by the man she (will) loves.

We also work on:

1. Being self aware and knowing where you really are in relation to the love life you want so that you avoid feeling powerless and lost in love.

2. Knowing where and what your ongoing responsibilities are AT EVERY GIVEN MOMENT so that you empower yourself, avoid getting into positions where you feel powerless against a man, and are always expanding in your union with the man you'll love.

3. Communicating your needs, desires, feeling, or grievances properly to a man so that they can be met, you avoid resentment, and a deeper, stronger bond can be formed between you and the man you'll love.

4. How to choose men that make sense for who you are, what you want, and your overall well being now and in the future.

5. And if needed/desired, we cover actually meeting men who are aligned with you via online dating/offline mingling and dating.

This mentorship is $999.

DM me the word "IRL" here http://m.me/dreemsilas (Facebook Messenger) or (*here if you prefer chatting on Instagram*) if interested and we'll have a quick chat to see if it's a good fit. The qualification process is short, sweet, and simple.

I'll ask you just a few yes or no qualification questions and if it's a good fit, can get you enrolled whenever you're ready.

I look forward to chatting with you.