Disclaimer: The advice offered in this post assumes that you already feel destined for the love you desire most, and that you seek this love for the 'right' reasons—meaning, you're not attempting to escape yourself through a man or relying on him to resolve your deep-seated feelings of unworthiness. In such cases, the advice provided here may not be applicable until you address these issues first. I have blog posts that bring further awareness to the topic of ‘deep seated unworthiness’ and how it keeps you at a distance from the love you most want. You can read these posts here: https://dreamsilasomans.com/dlgwablog/c/unworthiness However, I do not assist women in developing faith that they CAN be loved in the manner they desire; they must already possess this faith within themselves. Additionally, I do not aid women in resolving deep-seated feelings of unworthiness, as these matters are beyond my scope.

In my own life experience as well as working with clients, men tend to come in really hot in the beginning.

He is consistently messaging/calling you, asking to see you, wanting to take you out, and wanting to talk with you.

And then, seemingly out of the blue (to you), they cool down. The texts slow down, the calls aren’t coming in as much, and it feels like they are going cold.

So many other relationship experts start bringing up attachment issues, trauma bonds, and even saying that this man has mental issues (i.e. narcissism) because of his seemingly hot and cold, detached behavior.

So while, I’m not saying that in some cases those things can’t be true, from my own experience in the love and relationship field, that is seldom the case.

Me personally, I reject most of that stuff.

Why? Because it refuses to see the issue for what it is and tries to complicate things more than they have to be.

I’ve heard hundreds of women’s stories at this point and there is always one common denominator in a situation where the man starts off really invested and then starts pulling away.

The common denominator is this:

The woman ended up being prematurely attached to the man and over-invested in him to the point that she began expecting things he never promised her and then getting upset or obsessive over the ‘un-promised’ things.

She committed her heart to him way too soon and ended up being sold on him 100% BEFORE he made any significant strides toward her.

Or to put it plainly, she became prematurely attached to him BEFORE he's made any significant strides toward her.

What do I mean by significant strides?

I mean ALL of these three things:

1. Treating you well consistently

2. Initiating contact with you regularly because he wants to

3. Proposing exclusive commitment with you (i.e. Boyfriend and girlfriend, or proposing marriage)

These are the significant strides that he has to make ON HIS OWN, without any pressure or guilt tripping on your end, before you decide to commit your heart to him and start getting attached.

And yes, he has to make all three. Just 1 or 2 of the strides is not sufficient.

When I tell women this, their next question is always the same: “So, Dream, am I supposed to act calloused, calculated, disinterested, or apprehensive until he makes these significant strides?”

The answer is a loud, hard NO WAY!

It’s actually quite the opposite.

You want to be as expressive as you are.

He, of course, must experience the real you.

There is a delicious harmony where you can FULLY enjoy a man and FULLY express that you enjoy him, YET still hold space for him to make significant strides toward you BEFORE you get your heart involved with him.

So, why might this seem so difficult for you to accomplish?

You are letting your emotions run the show.

You’re allowing the positive feelings you experience with this man to control how you react to him, with your reactions being that which often makes you over-invest in him and prematurely intensifies your attachment to him.

You’ll do things like devoting yourself to him when there is no commitment in sight, when you really should be keeping yourself open, or sleeping with him even though that should be reserved for a man who commits to you at a deeper level.

All of these actions are committed because you’re following your positive emotions and letting them call the shots.

In doing so, you’re overlooking crucial information, like, if he is making the aforementioned significant strides toward you or not.

This is what makes you sold on him much too soon.

This is where the trouble begins lol.

To be clear, this is not about trying to control or suppress your emotions.

You have to validate and feel through your emotions to make the best decisions for yourself.

This is about not letting your emotions be the reason why you fall for and get prematurely attached to a man that, in reality, isn't making significant strides toward you.

This is about letting the whole woman that you are make the choice to fall for a man, while taking your emotions into consideration, instead of it being just your emotions or your heart making the decision.

There is a way that you can thoroughly enjoy the man in front of you, express that you enjoy him, feel all your emotions, and still allow him to make significant strides toward you before you are prematurely attached to him.

How can you do this?

By instead of you USING YOUR EMOTIONS to call the shots, you can look at your emotions as data that can inform you about whether you're on the right track with this man or not.

...

I call this process of using your emotions as data to make decisions "EMODATA" because you always want to feel through and consider your emotions, then make good decisions in your love life because of them, not in spite of them.

Okay, so with all of this being said, how exactly can you use "EMODATA" to stop getting prematurely attached to a man and allow him the space to step up for you?

To put it simply, you feel your emotions through, name them, and then find out what they are telling you so that you can make decisions that prevent you from getting prematurely attached to a man and allow him the space to step up for you.

Let me give you an example of this:

Let’s say you have been casually seeing a guy for 3 weeks, you’ve went on 2 dates with him, you’re talking via phone calls every other night, and he seems great. You enjoy him and enjoy the connection you two share.

Everything is great right now and you’re feeling happy, excited, and also a bit anxious.

Using “EMODATA”, the first step is to feel everything through enough to name the emotion and exactly why you are feeling this way.

So, based on our example, you feel that everything is going well right now.

And when you feel everything through, you realize that you feel happy, excited, and also a bit anxious.

Naming the emotion(s) after completely feeling it through: happy, excited and anxious.

And now you determine exactly why you feel the way you do.

You are feeling happy because you enjoy that he takes the initiative to ask and take you out on dates and you genuinely enjoy his company.

You’re feeling excited because you get to have new experiences with someone you enjoy and it could lead to something beautiful.

And lastly, you’re feeling anxious because, of course, it may or may not work out with him and currently you enjoy him so you’re really hoping it will.

Secondly, you want to look at your emotions indicating if you are on the right track or not and if not, identifying what would put you on the right track. By “right track” in this case, I mean, enjoying him yet NOT getting prematurely attached to him and allowing him the space to step up for you and make significant strides toward you (if he so chooses). —

And if you’re not on track, you can use your emotions to guide you on how to navigate the connection to ensure you make the best decisions to get on the right track.

Considering your emotions (happy, excited) and the reasons behind them, you acknowledge that you are somewhat on track as you are enjoying him and he is stepping up by treating you well and initiating consistently at this point. This is great!

However, it's important to note that your feeling of anxiousness also requires attention.

Remember, we validate all our feelings here, not cherry-pick the positive ones.

So, because you feel anxious based on the uncertainty of where things are headed, you recognize that being uncertain of where things are headed isn’t on track for you NOT getting prematurely attached to him before he’s made significant strides toward you.

In fact, feeling anxious in this way is a huge indication that you are getting prematurely attached to him, right?

Based on the emotions you are feeling and why you are feeling them, you can begin to conclude some important things.

For one, you can conclude that the only way that you will stop feeling anxious caused by the uncertainty of where things are headed with this man (at the current rate you’re going) is if he’d propose exclusive commitment.

So you know that falling for him BEFORE he proposes commitment is a bad idea.

**This assumes that you have already made it clear to him that marriage is your reason for dating and what you value. And that you’ve been expressive with him about how you enjoy him, love hearing from him, spending time with him and the like. [You learn how to effectively communicate all of this in week 7 of my 12 week mentorship program IRL (Inevitable Romance & Love): Better Than Fantasy.

You also can conclude that reserving things (like meeting his family, sleeping with him, staying over night at his house, etc) for deeper levels of commitment so that you don’t get prematurely attached AND expressing these reservations to him if they come up is your best course of action as you’re dating him to put you on the right track.

Reserving things that would prematurely attach yourself to him and have you falling for him until further commitment is established and then expressing to him what your reservations are and why they’re there if and when they come up is a very different decision than blindly following your emotions.

The former respects the safety, support, and quality love that you want while the latter doesn’t at all.

In fact, regarding your emotions in this case, reacting based on you being happy and excited would just have you over-investing in him and doing things that make you prematurely attached to him.

This doesn’t support what you want, it sabotages it.

Even blindly reacting from you feeling anxious would most likely manifest into you trying to control him, low-key stalking him, etc…

Again, this doesn’t support what you want, it sabotages it.

Do you see why you can't just let your emotions run the show?

Okay, one more thing before I close this out.

Another thing that you may conclude through your feelings of anxiety over where things were going with this man and "EMODATA" is to casually date more men than just him. This would allow you to stop putting the pressure on this connection to work out, easing the tension.

***Assuming that you are or are intending to casually date multiple men at the same time (which I’d recommend) [You learn how to do this effectively in week 9 of my 12 week mentorship program, IRL (Inevitable Romance & Love): Better Than Fantasy].

Do you see how the process, EMODATA, makes it possible for you to thoroughly enjoy the man in front of you, express that you enjoy him, feel all your emotions, and still allow him to make significant strides toward you, preventing you from being prematurely attached to him?

You get to be the beautiful, expressive YOU while making space for him to step up for you.

When you nail this, you stop experiencing a man growing cold and instead find yourself on the path to having the love, man, and union that you’ve always wanted.

—

In my 8 week mentorship, “IRL: Better Than Fantasy”, EMODATA is one of the main skills that I teach to help feminine women (not yet married) who know they’re destined for great love work on in order to go from hoping for her turn to get lucky in love to being claimed, committed to, and and loved well now and in the future by the man she (will) loves.

We also work on:

1. Being self aware and knowing where you really are in relation to the love life you want so that you avoid feeling powerless and lost in love.

2. Knowing where and what your ongoing responsibilities are AT EVERY GIVEN MOMENT so that you empower yourself, avoid getting into positions where you feel powerless against a man, and are always expanding in your union with the man you'll love.

3. Communicating your needs, desires, feeling, or grievances properly to a man so that they can be met, you avoid resentment, and a deeper, stronger bond can be formed between you and the man you'll love.

4. How to choose men that make sense for who you are, what you want, and your overall well being now and in the future.

5. And if needed/desired, we cover actually meeting men who are aligned with you via online dating/offline mingling and dating.

This mentorship is $999.

DM me the word "IRL" here http://m.me/dreemsilas (Facebook Messenger) or (*here if you prefer chatting on Instagram*) if interested and we'll have a quick chat to see if it's a good fit. The qualification process is short, sweet, and simple.

I'll ask you just a few yes or no qualification questions and if it's a good fit, can get you enrolled whenever you're ready.

I look forward to chatting with you.