This is yet another common issue women come to me with and honestly I can understand why. When a woman is serious about improving her love life and actually has the desire to have her ideal union, it can be both disheartening and frustrating to think that every guy has an angle and they’re just doing nice things to sleep with you.

This perception usually emerges after several interactions like this with men.

Some will say that you're just traumatized in someway and need deeper "inner healing" to change the perception.

For the women who work with me, however, this isn't necessarily the case since they have already done plenty of "inner healing" before coming to me. That said, I find that there are two main reasons why a woman believes that a man is just doing nice things just to sleep with her.

The first reason is that she has a capacity issue, although many women mistake it as a receiving issue.

A capacity issue is an issue where a woman actually has a problem holding within her the provision from a man without questioning his motives for it.

She’s always somehow waiting for the other shoe to drop.

I wrote about this exact issue and how to expand your capacity to hold more and more of what a man is genuinely giving in this post here.

The second reason why a woman would feel like a man is just doing things to sleep with her is because she is secretly not sure of what he could want from her.

Let me be clear and say that this is a (feminine) value issue but not in the traditional sense of a woman having low self worth.

I work with women who have a high sense of self worth, but they secretly find it difficult to articulate what the type of men they desire find valuable about them or how exactly they add value to his life.

Not being able to articulate this may not sound like a big deal but understand in general, when someone can’t articulate something, it’s like it almost doesn’t exist or it’s very elusive.

Unless you can articulate for yourself (in words that you understand) what value you can add to a man's life, it is impossible to see things clearly, make good choices when it comes to who to entertain, and you can fall into a trap of putting a man on a pedestal because you clearly see how valuable he is because you have experienced it but not how valuable you are.

As a result, many women are left in a position in where she can only rationalize that he just wants to sleep with her.

To be clear here…if he is a healthy man, he most likely wants to sleep with you, but not to the exclusion of anything else.

Thinking that a man JUST wants to sleep with you causes you to be guarded and disconnect yourself prematurely from him. This can stifle the development of the relationship and cause plenty of other problems as well.

The solution to this issue is to understand your feminine value in order to stop thinking men JUST want to sleep with you, make better choices, stop guarding yourself, and ultimately enjoy the man in front of you and develop a profound union with him going forward.

So, let’s speak about how you can get clear on your feminine value.

To do this, we first must identify what you desire in your love life, then we identify the ‘his and hers’ roles that make up what you want, and then finally we check off which of the ‘hers’ roles you are playing and which roles you are not. And of the roles you are not playing, you begin to play.

I know this may seem confusing, but don't worry. I’ll break it down for you.

The first step is to identify what you desire in a relationship. I find that often women play small about what they desire and limit it to only a little better than what they’ve experienced before.

I urge my clients to desire more elevated love; 10 times better than what they’ve ever experienced. Truly I want her to experience the highest quality of love that is available to her.

My clients are then encouraged to write down what she desires in a short, concise list once she is clear on what she wants.

Now, let’s focus on you. What do you want? You must first get clear on this.

As an example, let’s say you want a union where:

• There’s a strong emotional connection with your partner that allows for vulnerability, trust, and openness.

• There’s a mutual understanding and appreciation for each other's boundaries, needs, and values.

• You can be there for each other through good times and bad, and offering encouragement and understanding.

• You are able to openly and honestly communicate with your partner about your thoughts, feelings, and needs to ensure that there’s trust and understanding in the relationship.

The next thing we want to do is look at the list and, one by one, break each point into two lists: his and her roles.

We check to see what role would the man have to play to make that specific desire a reality and more importantly, what role would YOU have to play to make that desire a reality.

For example, let’s use: There’s a strong emotional connection with my partner that allows for vulnerability, trust, and openness.

We’d break that point of desire into the 2 roles that would make that desire a reality.

His roles could look something like:

• Trustworthy; honest and reliable

• Thoughtful: Considers my feelings and acts accordingly

• He conveys his point eloquently and allows me to express myself

And so your roles would look something like:

• Receptive and attentive

• Can express myself well, be open, and hold space for him

• Values/appreciates quality time and makes time/space for it

• Ability to be present and enjoy herself, him, the atmosphere

• Empathetic and forgiving

After that, we make sure that the two roles are actually capable of creating the desired reality.

When everything looks good, we examine the list of roles and begin to see which roles from the ‘hers’ list you actively play and which roles you do not.

Of the roles you play, you can see just how much value you have and how much you contribute to a beautiful union.

To your ideal man, how valuable is a woman who can fully receive him and be attentive toward him? How valuable is a woman who can express herself well but also be open enough to allow him to express himself?

How valuable is a woman who can deeply appreciate their time together and always makes the space and time for their ‘togetherness’? How valuable is a woman who can be fully present with him, enjoying herself, and inviting him into that joy?

How valuable is a woman that tries to feel as he feels and truly forgives him when he makes mistakes?

If a woman is fully embodying all of these lovely, human qualities… How is she not valuable? How could the right man not be in love with doing life with her?

And this only scratches the surface of all the value you have and just by understanding the roles you already play, you have a beautiful sense of how valuable you are to the right man.

And for the roles you don't play, you now have a clear road map of what you need to play.

Clearly understanding your feminine value eliminates your thinking that a man just wants to sleep with you and activates the you that is relaxed, open, confident, makes good choices, and enjoys the man in front of her.

This puts you directly on the path of elevated union. This is where you belong.

If what you’ve read here resonates with you and you’d like to work with me further, consider my 12 week mentorship program.

In my 12 week mentorship, “woman in union”, feminine value is one of the main things that I help professional, feminine women work on in order to go from mediocre love to having the highest quality of love.

We also work on

• increasing your capacity for receiving and maintaining love, intimacy, and support

• feminine expression and properly communicating your needs, desires, and standards

• attracting experiences with men that match your standards

• identifying your feminine value and helping you feel deserving of elevated love

• resurrecting the passion and intimacy in your relationship

• and if needed/desired, we cover meeting men who are aligned with you via online dating/ organic dating and inspiring further commitment

This mentorship is a mid 4 figure investment.

If you'd like more info on the mentorship [what it entails, the process, and the qualifications], click here!

And if you liked what you've read here, consider signing up for my newsletter.