Lots of women tell me that while they’re enjoying the man they're currently seeing, they can’t help but to feel like their relationship feels somewhat transactional and not totally authentic. Like the relationship is missing a bit of substance and how the transactional feeling of it all simply exhausts them.

I get it. This is an issue that I and my clients have struggled with at one time or another.

And we can also attest to the fact that it is quite exhausting.

The reason why your relationship feels transactional is most likely because of the premise you’re operating from.

What do I mean?

Well, if you’re like me and my clients, you probably have had several connections with men that just were not what you were looking for. Some of these connections were just plain annoying and others may have been draining and/or devastating.

Having a variation of non-ideal experiences with men can lead you to feeling and thinking things like “I hope the next guy doesn’t do XYZ” or “He better be XYZ” or “I never want to experience XYZ again”.

And so when you meet a new potential partner, you always have these thoughts and feelings kind of playing in the background as you’re getting to know him. Even if the guy seems great, you can’t help but to hope that he’s better than the last connections you’ve had.

I want to add that this has nothing to do with healing either because I, myself as well as my clients, have healed from the experiences in the past but still kept those experiences within us and subconsciously brought it into new experiences and connections with men.

This is an issue because it keeps you operating from a very flawed premise of “what is this guy going to do for me? " and that place is not an authentic place.

That place is a transactional place even though we are well intention-ed and we simply just want to experience better than what we've experienced before.

Men can feel the energy in which we're operating from and they often reflect that right back to us. So if you're feeling like your connection with the man you’re seeing is transactional, you want to ask yourself what premise are you actually operating from.

Is it heart centered? Is it pure? Or do you consciously or subconsciously have the thought of "what is this guy going to do for me" within yourself or "I hope this guy is much better than the last guy"?

Another thing to look out for is if you are using "femininity tactics" as a bargaining tool or slight manipulation tool to ensure that this guy does for you what you want done for you.

All of this is what creates a transactional type of connection and does not encourage authentic connection even if this man is the right man for you.

So now that you know what the issue is, how do you fix it?

Well, in my work I help my clients fix transactional feeling relationships by shifting their feminine identity. What is feminine identity?

It is simply the story in which a woman is operating from in her love life. This story pertains to how she's treated in her love life, what type of men she's experienced in her love life, etc.

Our goal when shifting a woman's feminine identity is to shift the story that she is operating from in order to ensure that she is actually operating from a more heart-centered place, which in turn invites the man into her inner world and allows him to reciprocate her authenticity and openness.

This is exactly what you want because this is what creates authentic and fulfilling connections and unions.

It also repels transactional connections and relationships.

So in order to shift a woman's feminine identity, we have to first identify the story in which she is operating from.

You can do this by thinking of the common experiences you have with men and being honest about how you relate to them.

For instance, if a common thing a woman experiences in her connections with men is that they never take her serious enough to commit, then that is most likely the story in which that woman is operating from. This is currently her feminine identity.

To be clear, the simplified story that she's operating from is something like: “I am a woman who men never take seriously and never want to commit to.”

With a story like this, it’s easy to see what’s in the woman’s way of authentic connection and union.

Making the statement this plain and blunt is important to be able to shift the story (feminine identity) you’re operating from and to naturally begin operation from an authentic, heart centered space.

Once you’re clear on your story, the next step is to begin to shift it.

I help my clients do this by simply taking their old feminine identity (story) and replacing it with another story that actually fits what she desires.

As an example, let’s use the statement, “I am a woman who men never take seriously and never want to commit to.”

We can turn that statement into “I am a woman who is destined for authentic, romantic love and union.”

These two stories are like night and day, but adopting the latter story will eventually open up new opportunities, thought patterns, behaviors, and habits that were not accessible to the woman before. It allows her to operate differently.

Understand that the way you see your love life significantly changes the way your love life is.

Shifting your feminine identity (story) is the first step to having a thriving, beautiful love life.

It should be noted that reframing the story can not be done carelessly, it must actually be reframed into something that actually clicks with you.

You can be sure that the story clicks with you when it feels freeing to you.

Once the story clicks, the next step is to begin collecting evidence in support of this new feminine identity.

It does nothing just to change the story (feminine identity) and leave it at that. If this is done, the woman will eventually revert right back to her old story.

That said, she must go into her everyday life and find evidence that her new reframed feminine identity is true.

And at the end of every day, she should write down all the evidence from the day that proved that new identity (story) true.

In other words, her job is to collect any and everything in her life that affirms that she is the woman who is “destined for authentic love and union” and write it down at the end of every day.

So your next step after you create a story that clicks with you is to gather all the evidence you can from your daily life that supports your new story.

It is also important to note that your evidence does not have to be current.

You can also write down anything that was romantic and made you feel loved in the past. The whole idea is to feed your mind with evidence that you are destined for authentic, romantic love and union.

Okay, so let’s go with the example that your new feminine identity is: “I am a woman who is destined for authentic, romantic love and union.”

Your evidence could look something like:

• This morning a coworker randomly complimented me and told me “Any guy would be lucky to have you.” I thought this was interesting and it really felt sweet and heartfelt.

• Today I left my gloves at the coffee shop and a man ran two blocks in the cold to give it to me! This was very kind of him and I thought it was quite romantic.

• I remember when I received a very sweet love letter a decade ago. I still remember what it said word for word; it meant a lot to me.

You’d do this exercise every day until you have so much evidence to back up your new identity that you start believing it by default. Due to the compounding evidence, my clients are usually able to successfully change their identity within a month.

Many of my clients are surprised that they have so much to write down when they begin the exercise but the truth is, what you focus on grows.

What's even better is that when you really believe in the new identity, your thoughts, words, and actions become aligned with your new identity and begin to support the beautiful, authentic love life, connection, and union you desire.

You’re able to operate from an authentic, heart centered place that the man in your life can feel and reciprocate and that transactional feeling vanishes like it was never there.

...

If what you’ve read here resonates with you and you’d like to work with me further, consider my 12 week mentorship program.

In my 12 week mentorship, “woman in union”, feminine identity is one of the main things that I help professional, feminine women work on in order to go from mediocre love to having the highest quality of love.

We also work on

• increasing your capacity for receiving and maintaining love, intimacy, and support

• feminine expression and properly communicating your needs, desires, and standards

• attracting experiences with men that match your standards

• identifying your feminine value and helping you feel deserving of elevated love

• resurrecting the passion and intimacy in your relationship

• and if needed/desired, we cover meeting men who are aligned with you via online dating/ organic dating and inspiring further commitment

This mentorship is a mid 4 figure investment.

If you'd like more info on the mentorship [what it entails, the process, and the qualifications], click here!

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