This is a great topic because I feel that I can shed major light on this as I've dealt with this myself and have also managed to help clients navigate through this as well.

The reason a woman feels like she can't do any better than the man she is with even when she knows she wants more is because either she's never had better so the stories, thoughts, behaviors, and beliefs she's operating from keep her right where she is and doesn't allow her to advance forward any. This is what I call a feminine identity issue.

Or she is secretly not sure of what she can offer the type of man that she actually wants. This is what I call a feminine value issue.

For the purpose of keeping this post short and actionable, I will only delve into the feminine identity aspect of this issue and I'll save the feminine value aspect for another post.

So what exactly do I mean by feminine identity and how does it play a role in a woman feeling like she cannot do any better than the man she's with even though she wants more?

This is a good question. And the answer is that feminine identity is basically the story that a woman tells herself about her love life and how she relates to it and relates to men.

If a woman feels like she cannot do any better than the man she's with even though she desires more, it can be deduced that this woman has internalized experiences that she's had with men and turned it into a story that reflects her and her love life.

A good example of this is if a woman always dealt with men who never wanted to take her out on dates or who reluctantly took her out on dates and complained about it the whole time, a woman's feminine identity in a simplified, blunt form would be something like this:

“I am a woman that men hate to take out on dates and I somehow always attract stingy men.”

With this feminine identity, a woman would act, form beliefs, and think from this story. And if a woman is operating from this story she is only going to have experiences that match this story.

This is one of the biggest reasons why a woman feels like she can't do any better than the man she's with; it's because she keeps on having the same experiences due to the fact that she keeps operating in a way that aligns with those experiences. It is a loop that must be recognized before it can be broken.

So now that you understand why you feel like you can't do any better even though you want something different, let's talk about how to change this.

The way you change this is to simply shift your feminine identity.

This is done in three main steps that I will describe to you right now.

The first step is to identify what story you're operating from; identify what your feminine identity is right now.

You do this by honestly asking yourself: “In relation to my love life, what do I think of myself?”

Fill in the blank, “In my love life, I’m a woman who/that ______________.

This will reveal to you as clear as day the story (feminine identity) that is holding you back.

If you’re not sure of what you think of yourself in terms of your love life, think about all the statements you usually say about your love life or the men you’ve dated. You want to be as honest and blunt here as possible.

Once you’re clear on your statement, the next step is to begin to shift it.

I help my clients do this by simply taking their old feminine identity (story) and replacing it with another statement that actually fits what she desires.

As an example, let’s use the statement, “I am a woman that men hate to take out on dates and I somehow always attract stingy men.”

We can turn that statement into “I am a well provided for, well loved woman.”

These two statements are like night and day, but adopting the latter statement will eventually open up new opportunities, thought patterns, behaviors, and habits that were not accessible to the woman before.

Shifting her feminine identity (story) is the first step to having a thriving, beautiful love life.

It should be noted that reframing the story can not be done carelessly, it must actually be reframed into something that actually clicks with the woman.

You can be sure that it clicks when it feels freeing to you.

Once the story clicks, the next step is to begin collecting evidence in support of this new feminine identity.

It does nothing just to change the story (feminine identity) and leave it at that. If this is done, you will eventually revert right back to the old story and thus begin having the same types of experiences.

That said, you must go into your everyday life and find evidence that your new reframed feminine identity is true.

And at the end of every day, you should write down all the evidence from the day that proved that new identity true.

In other words, your job is to collect any and everything in your life that affirms that you are the woman who is “well provided for and well loved” and write it down at the end of every day.

So your next step after you create a story that clicks with you is to gather all the evidence you can from your daily life that supports your new story.

It is also important to note that your evidence does not have to be current. You can write down anything that was romantic and made you feel well loved or provided for in the past.

The whole idea is to feed your mind with evidence that you are a well loved, well provided for woman.

Okay, so let’s go with the example that your new feminine identity is: “I am a well provided for, well loved woman.”

Your evidence could look something like:

1. This morning a coworker randomly complimented me and told me “Any guy would be lucky to have you.” I thought this was interesting and it really felt sweet and heartfelt.

2. I went to get coffee this morning and when I pulled up to the window the cashier told me that the man ahead of me paid for it already. I felt really provided for.

3. A stranger helped me get something from a high shelf at the grocery store when I couldn’t reach it. I felt very provided for.

4. I remember when I received a very sweet love letter a decade ago. I still remember what it said word for word; it meant a lot to me.

You’d do this exercise every day until you have so much evidence to back up your new identity that you start believing it by default. It doesn't matter how small the evidence is, if it affirms your story, write it down!

Due to the compounding evidence, my clients are able to successfully change their identity within a month.

Many of my clients are surprised that they have so much to write down when they begin the exercise but the truth is, what you focus on grows.

What's even better is that when you really believe in the new identity, your thoughts, words, and actions are aligned with your new identity and begin to support the beautiful love life you desire.

Once you successfully shift your feminine identity and gather enough evidence, you’ll begin to feel like you can have better.

And letting go of un-ideal men and experiences will be easier because you’re no longer operating from lower level stories and experiences.

When this happens, elevated love is inevitable.

If what you’ve read here resonates with you and you’d like to work with me further, consider my 12 week mentorship program.

In my 12 week mentorship, “woman in union”, feminine identity is one of the main things that I help professional, feminine women work on in order to go from mediocre love to having the highest quality of love.

We also work on

• increasing your capacity for receiving and maintaining love, intimacy, and support

• feminine expression and properly communicating your needs, desires, and standards

• attracting experiences with men that match your standards

• identifying your feminine value and helping you feel deserving of elevated love

• resurrecting the passion and intimacy in your relationship

• and if needed/desired, we cover meeting men who are aligned with you via online dating/ organic dating and inspiring further commitment

This mentorship is a mid 4 figure investment.

If you'd like more info on the mentorship [what it entails, the process, and the qualifications], click here!

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